TARDIS Drabbles Of Randomness
by reddwarfaddict
Summary: Collection of 100 and 200 word drabbles centered around the TARDIS crew. Previously standalones. Pairings and ratings vary. Very much a Crack!fic... Shrunk In The Wash: A slight accident with a washing machine...
1. Psychiatry Of The Doctor

**A/N: **Disclaimer: Is there really actually a need to write a disclaimer?

I've decided, since I pour out so many, I'm gonna gather all my drabbles into one story.

**Title: **Psychiatry Of The Doctor  
**Rating:** K  
**Summary:** What does the Doctor see when a psychiatrist shows him a random inkblot?  
**Pairings:** None.

* * *

The psychiatrist held up the smudge of an inkblot on the paper once more to the Time Lord, heaving a sigh. 

"Okay, let's do this one more time. What do you see?"

"Banana," the Doctor replied shortly with a 100-watt grin. The psychiatrist picked up another and held it aloft.

"This?"

"Banana."

He held up a third. "I suppose this is a banana too, isn't it?"

Surprisingly, the Doctor shook his head negatively. The psychiatrist seemed stunned at this, raising an inquisitive eyebrow.

"What do you see?"

The Doctor gave him a happy double thumbs-up as his grin broadened.

"Satsuma!"


	2. The Doctor's Sim

**A/N: **Renamed.

**Title:** The Doctor's Sim  
**Rating: **K+  
**Summary:** The Doctor discovers 'The Sims'.  
**Pairings:** Implied TenRose.

* * *

"Rose! Look what I just found!" 

Rose moved closer to the monitor, scrutinising what the Doctor was doing.

"…That's _The Sims_, isn't it?"

"I've made us!" he exclaimed in delight, pointing at the screen. Rose leant in. She could see her animated Sim relaxing on a double bed next to the Doctor's Sim, accuracy right down to the converses. "Watch this!"

He selected himself, and then clicked on Rose. Cuddle…kiss…_make out?!_

He seemed to skip all of these options, and instead clicked on one called 'woohoo'.

Rose could only watch as the both Sims dived under the covers.

_If only…_


	3. Creatures In The TARDIS

**A/N:  
Title:** Creatures In The TARDIS  
**Rating:** K**  
Summary: **Rose finds the most terrifying Earth animal in existence in her bed one night...  
**Pairings: **None

* * *

Rose Tyler yawned widely, eyes heavy fatigue from the day's events as she drew back the covers to get into her lovely warm bed. 

Eyes fell, and she screamed.

Spinning, she bounded down the corridor with her heart in her throat, hyperventilating. She made it to the kitchen where the Doctor was, who yelped in surprise as Rose grabbed his arm and dragged him quickly underneath the kitchen table, shaking as she held desperately onto him.

"Rose, what is it?" he asked quickly, fearing he may have almost lost her in his own home. She swallowed, terrified.

"SPIDER!!!" she screamed.


	4. Last Words

**A/N:**

**Title:**Last Words  
**Rating: **K**  
Summary:** What the Doctor REALLY wanted to say on Bad Wolf Bay.  
**Pairings:**Strictly NOT TenRose, but Russell's script is RoseTen.

* * *

Rose Tyler was heartbroken, standing on the Bad Wolf Bay. She knew she must've looked like a wreck to the Doctor standing before her, but she had to tell him before it was too late.

"…I love you," she managed to gasp, mascara everywhere over her face.

The Doctor paused for a moment, sorrow for his loss building up tears behind his eyes. "And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it…" He forced the words out, "Rose Tyler, I lo…" Rose blinked at him until he finally got a grasp on himself, "Rose Tyler, I…lost my toothbrush."


	5. Reaching To The Red

**A/N:**Not quite sure how this one came about…

**Title:**Reaching To The Red  
**Rating: **K+  
**Summary:** The fates of the entire TARDIS crew rides on one move the Doctor makes…  
**Pairings:**None.

* * *

"I can't do it!" the Doctor gasped, reaching out towards the pool of red but in too much agony. "I can't hold on!"

"No Doctor!" she yelled back, "if you fall we all fall!"

"C'mon Doctor!" Jack grunted from the side. "Just a little further!"

The Doctor felt a rush of adrenaline from the support of his companions. Giving a grunt he threw out his right hand, trying in vain to reach his target…

But he missed.

All three crashed down onto the Twister mat, winded and pained with the Doctor beneath, still trying to reach for the red spot.


	6. Hooba Noobie

**A/N:** This is 200 words instead, couldn't cram into one XD I don't know how I think of these, they just crop up randomly...the onshots there never were...

**Title:** Hooba Noobie  
**Rating:** K+  
**Summary:** Something very strange is happening to the Doctor and Rose…  
**Pairings: **Implied TenRose.

* * *

The Doctor wandered into the kitchen, almost walking into straight into the fridge before he turned, seeing Rose at the table eating pork chops. 

"Hooba noobie?" the Doctor asked, taking his own plate of pork chops and eventually managed to get himself seated.

"Wing zing fog?"

"Wing zing."

They ate their dinner together at the table, talking about sumos and money before deciding finally it was bedtime. Rose quickly played on the computer then walked directly into the Doctor's bedroom where he was relaxing on one side of the double bed, reading a book.

"Malenka," she said straight.

* * *

The next morning they awoke in each other's embrace, both pulling away to their respective sides before getting up. 

All of a sudden Rose felt extremely sick. She ran to the ensuite bathroom as the Doctor went downstairs to prepare breakfast and began to vomit blue sick into the toilet bowl. She realised as she straightened to her full height…

"Baba!" she declared.

"Finally!" Rose Tyler sighed, leaning back from the screen as she stared at her Sim self.

"Finally what?" the Doctor's voice suddenly asked from behind Rose Tyler, making her jump.

"Nothing…" she muttered, discreetly switching it off behind her.

* * *

A/N: Simlish rules! 


	7. Please Try Again Later

**A/N:**200 words again. 200? 100? Suppose it doesn't really matter…

**Title:** Please Try Again Later  
**Rating:** K**  
Summary:** People decide to do things at the most inconvenient of times…  
**Pairings: **None.

* * *

"Goodbye, Doctor," the creature croaked, and the Doctor's body physically prepared itself for the pain as agonising seconds tricked by, finger began to tighten against the trigger… 

_"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie wooorld…"_

A tinny version of Aqua's hit song suddenly filled the air, much to the bewilderment of all the beings in the room.

_"Life in plastic, it's fantastic!"_

It took a moment for the Doctor to realise it was coming from him. He frowned, trying to remember what could be causing it…

"Excuse me a sec?" the Doctor asked with a broad smile, lowering his hands to his pockets and searching for the source. His hands clasped on something metal and flat…

Bringing it out, he realised it was Martha's phone.

He flipped it open and pressed it to his ear, eyes fixed on the creatures still standing infront of him, obviously confused.

"Hello?"

"_Hello Doctor!" _Martha's cheery voice came through, _"I was bored, watcha doing?"_

"Oh, just…" – his eyes were fixed on the creature's gaze – "…stuff."

"_Fancy chatting?"_

"A tad busy right now, I'll errmm…call you back."

"_Okay. Take care."_

"I'll try."

He closed and replaced it in his pocket.

"Now then, where were we?"


	8. The End Of Series Four

**A/N: **Yep, it's me. Again. 200 words :D  
**  
Title:**The End Of Series Four  
**Rating:**K  
**Summary:** The Daleks have taken over the Earth with the Doctor, Rose, Jack, Martha and Donna as helpless prisoners. The Doctor has been taken for conversion to a Dalek; can the others save him in time?  
**Pairings:**TenRose.

* * *

"THE DOCTOR WILL BE CONVERTED TO DAAALEK! OUR GREATEST ENEMY WILL BECOME OUR GREATEST WARRIOR! PIG SLAVES, TAKE THE DOCTOR FOR CONVERSION!"

"No!" his companions Rose, Jack, Martha and Donna yelled as the pig slaves moved forward to the Doctor, pulling him to his feet. He struggled but to no avail as he was dragged out the room, his companions screaming after him.

* * *

Escaping the Control Room was easy, and now the four companions were searching for the Doctor. They'd barely travelled thirty steps before a Dalek appeared, and Jack had fired the polycarboid penetrating weapon. It stopped dead, and to everyone's completely surprised it said, "OOOOOW."

It turned slowly, hissing and spitting smoke. Its eyestalk swung around, focusing.

"ROSE?" it asked, and Rose realised that they were too late. The Doctor had been converted…and they had just shot him.

"Doctor?" Tears were welling in her eyes. "I'm so sorry…"

"IT HURTS," he grated as she rested a hand on his casing.

"I love you," she whispered.

"JUST ASWELL REALLY," the Doctor said as he stepped out from behind a wall holding a microphone and a remote control, grinning happily at them all. "'CAUSE I FOUND THESE!"

Everyone hit him.


	9. Dear Diary

**A/N: **Any companion ya like :D  
**  
Title:** Dear Diary…  
**Rating:** K**  
Summary:** It's the end of another busy day as the Doctor and his companion write their diary entries.  
**Pairings:** None.

* * *

Dear Diary, 

Oh my GOD today was INCREDIBLE! We went to this planet with a really long name where the natives look like koalas, but the Doctor forgot they were carnivores so we ran away, but the koalas eventually caught us and tied us to these poles and tried to roast us over the fire, but then this guy with _huge_muscles came and saved us! (He was pretty fit)

Anyway gotta go pen's running outta ink!

Love Me xxx

P.S: Ask the Doctor for more waffles.

* * *

Dear Diary, 

Nothing happened today.

Love the Doctor xxx

P.S: Need more waffles.


	10. The Doctor's Worst Nightmare

**A/N: **200 words.**  
**

**Title:** The Doctor's Worst Nightmare  
**Rating:** K**  
Summary:** What does the Doctor fear most in the whole of the Cosmos?  
**Pairings:** TenRose.

* * *

The Doctor waltzed into the Tyler flat with a baby in one arm and a carrier bag in the other. Rose instantly bounced up to him and pressed a happy kiss to his lips before squeezing him in a tight hug. The Doctor could easily feel her nine-month along womb poking out from underneath her maternity dress. "You'd better hurry, else you'll be late for work as a postman!"

"Guess what Rose?" came the unmistakeable sound of Jackie Tyler. "That man of yours 'as been 'avin' it with Shareen!"

Rose's face dropped like a stone in water. "WHAT?!" She span around to the Doctor and grabbed his lapels.

"What?!" the Doctor's eyes widened. "I haven't done anything!"

_Slap!_

"Mo just committed suicide!" Jackie carried on, "John left Charlotte at the altar! Londis is on fire! Abi slept with Mia's boyfriend! Paris is fourteen _and _pregnant!"

"DOMESTICS!" the Doctor screamed, collapsing to his knees with the world spinning around him at a million miles per hour. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

* * *

The Doctor jerked awake, bolting upright with sweat clinging to his forehead.

"Phew, what a nightmare!" he said, before Rose appeared in the doorway looking a little nervous.

"Doctor, I think I'm pregnant."

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"


	11. Getting Over Him

**Title:** Getting Over Him  
**Rating:** K**  
Summary:** It's been a year since Rose last saw the Doctor on Bad Wolf Bay. Is she over him yet?  
**Pairings:** Not actually sure…

* * *

"Well Rose, it's been a year."

Rose shrugged. "Oh, I'm so over him now." Mickey focused on the cluster of paper she clutched in her palm. In one quick swipe he'd taken it.

"You carry these everywhere. Oh, photos?"

"Me and the Doctor."

"This one?"

"The Doctor and candyfloss."

"This?"

"Me, the Doctor, and a water buffalo."

Mickey threw the photos onto the coffee table but stopped dead as Rose shrieked, "DON'T HURT HIM!!!" and took the paper firmly, yet gently from Mickey. As she cradled it she stopped, realising what she'd said. "…But I'm _so _over him."

Mickey sighed.


	12. The Doctor's Greatest Enemy

**Title:**The Doctor's Greatest Enemy  
**Rating:** K  
**Summary:** Worse than the Daleks? The Cybermen? The Sontarans? The Master himself? What could possibly be the Doctor's greatest enemy? Completely uncanon and make NO SENSE AT ALL.  
**Pairings:** None.

* * *

"Wake up _Doctor," _a woman's voice that wasn't Rose's spat."Wake up and say hello!"

The Doctor groaned, trying to move his hands but finding instead they were tied to the arms of a chair. He blinked slightly to try and focus his vision, managing to get the terrified expression of Rose in the same predicament as he.

Then there she was, just as evil and twisted as he had always remembered her with a hammer in one hand and a drill in the other.

"Doctor," Rose whispered, terrified, "who is she?"

He grimaced. "Rose, say hello to my ex-wife."


	13. Dalek Gender Crisis

**A/N: **200 words. And also first to feature Donna!

**Title: **Dalek Gender Crisis  
**Rating:** K+  
**Summary:** Whilst being held captive by Daleks with the Doctor, Donna ponders on Dalek sex education.  
**Pairings:** None.

* * *

"Doctor, do Daleks 'ave sex?"

"Huh?" the Doctor replied dumbly, looking left at Donna Noble chained up as he was to the chairs they were sitting on. "I suppose they must do, yeah."

"If you turn 'em upside-down can ya tell their gender?"

"I doubt it, Donna."

"Are there gay Daleks?"

"I really don't know, Donna."

"But if you think 'bout it there's gotta be, right?"

"There has?"

"Yeah, everyone's gay nowadays!"

"They are?"

"THE PRISONERS WILL BE SILENT!" a Dalek suddenly screamed from next to Donna and she turned to it, annoyed.

"Oi, no need to shout, I'm not bloody deaf alright?" she retorted rudely. "Wait, are you gay?"

"WHAT?" the Dalek asked, a little confused.

"Are you a girl or a boy?"

"I AM OF MALE DISTINCTION!"

"Do you like girl or boy Daleks better?"

"I DO NOT KNOW."

Donna burst out laughing. "You're a virgin!"

"I AM NOT!"

"Are too!"

"ARE NOT!"

"…Are not!"

"ARE TOO!" It paused. "DAMN!"

"Oi, some people like to be held captive in peace thank you very much!" the Doctor interrupted suddenly, tugging slightly on his restraints. Donna and the Dalek both fell silent.

Donna spoke, "…Doctor are you gay?"

"Shut up!"


	14. Never Mind the Rift

**Title: **Never Mind The Rift…  
**Rating:** K+  
**Summary:** When Rose met the Doctor again after their time apart…**  
Pairings:** Very distinct TenRose.

* * *

The light was blinding, and for the first time in his life, the Doctor was terrified.

He stood boldly infront of light, knowing _anything _could come through. Creatures from another Universe he had never faced, even imagined before. But he was ready.

Was that a figure? A figure was moving towards them. The silhouette looked…human.

"_Doctor…" _it called in a whisper, _"Doctor…"_

It was then he realised who it was.

"Rose?" he whispered back, tears suddenly building in his eyes.

"Doctor," the voice spoke again, stronger this time.

Then there she was. Just as beautiful as he remembered her, walking out of the light. She ran towards him, instantly reaching up to his shirt and right away began to undo the buttons, tongue already inside his mouth.

Soon the Doctor was shirtless, and Rose very near so. They finally drew apart as the Doctor looked back at Jack, Donna and Martha, giving a supportive grin.

"You guys can err…finish up this rift-boom-goodbye-world thing here, can't you?" he said, before Rose yanked him towards his bedroom in the TARDIS.

As the others watched in disbelief, Jack sighed, repositioning the gun on his shoulder. "Stop the Universe, 'cause the Doctor's havin' a shag!"

* * *

**A/N: **Yes, Rose _probably _won't do this when she meets the Doctor again. Though I wouldn't much mind, I suppose.


	15. Mummy's Boy

**Title: **Mummy's Boy  
**Rating: **K  
**Summary:** The Doctor meets his mother again. What could possibly go wrong? Completely impossible in canon.  
**Pairings:** Hints of TenRose in a freaky kinda way.

* * *

"Mother?" the Doctor asked the figure, voice breaking.

"Theta, my baby boy!" the woman hugged him tightly, getting onto tiptoes to kiss his forehead. "My how you've grown!"

"Mother…"

"Is this your girlfriend?" she turned to look at Rose.

"Mother!" The Doctor turned bright red.

"Aren't you going to introduce me Theta? I see you've lost your manners!"

"I'm Rose, Rose Tyler." Rose was struggling not to laugh. "Nice to meet you."

"Aww isn't she a nice girl, Theta? I remember when you used to run away from girls! Your father always wondered about you. You were a little shy but you weren't gay! It was the late onset puberty, wasn't it?"

"Mother please! It wasn't late!"

"Tell you what Rose," she turned to the girl, "I remember when he was two he opened the locked cleaning cupboard and drank the polish!" Rose laughed. "After that he only drank Earth apple juice; used to give him diarrhoea, poor thing!" she rubbed the Doctor's tummy as though he were six years old.

"Mother!"

"Aww don't be shy Theta! The poor girl has to know what she's getting herself into!" She began to fade. "Remember to change your undies!"

She was gone.


	16. To Press Or Not To Press?

**A/N: **I went to the Earls Court Doctor Who Exhibition the other day. Infront of the Cyber Leader there's a big red button that says, 'DO NOT PRESS' and...well...this story was born! Go forth to the exhibition! It's awesomundo!

**Title: **To Press Or Not To Press?  
**Rating: **K  
**Summary: **The age-old dilemma of the Big Red Button… but can the Doctor resist?**  
Pairings:** None.

* * *

**DO NOT PRESS **the label read, right next to the huge red button.

The Doctor stopped dead in his tracks, watching the button with unease. Do not… do not… do not press it… It was a simple enough instruction. Don't press the Big Red Button. Don't do it Doctor, just don't do it.

But… but…

He scratched his head, hopping agitatedly from foot to foot. Don't press it, Doctor! Don't press it!

This was _torture!_

He looked casually around the falling-down spaceship, knowing he had to run if he wanted to survive…but that would mean leaving the Big Red Button! He couldn't leave the Big Red Button, especially unpressed. Not that he was going to press it.

What harm could come from pressing a Big Red Button, anyway? What was the worst that could possibly happen?

But don't press it. Move on. Forget the Big Red Button.

He gazed at it longingly. It was so shiny! Shiny and red and rounded and… wanting to be pressed…

Completely against his will he lifted his hand above it – his mind screaming at him not to do it – and whacked the Big Red Button hard right in the centre.

Then the Universe exploded.


	17. The Awkwardness Of Crying

**A/N: **Ooo, real quick message: read and review NewDrWhoFan's story 'Don't Push My Button', NOW!

* * *

**Title: **The Awkwardness Of Crying**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary: **The Earth has been captured by the Davros and the Daleks, with the Doctor held prisoner, but a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do…**  
Pairings:** None.

Rose walked straight up to Davros, giving a glance to the Doctor on the floor.

"Let him and the planet go, Davros," she said plainly and simply.

"Or what?" Davros challenged.

Rose paused, looking up at her surroundings of hundreds of thousands of Daleks, all looking ready to exterminate her. She looked back over to the Doctor, giving him a weak smile but he was shaking his head, silently begging her not to take the risk. She looked back up to Davros, silence ensuing.

Then she burst into tears.

"Err…what are you doing?" Davros suddenly looked incredibly uncomfortable. "Err, stop crying! Stop crying, please!" She only wept harder. Davros felt so _awkward! _"Stop it now… Please stop it!"

Rose slowly pushed her head up, staring at Davros behind tear-filled eyes. He turned to the Doctor, pressing a button. The restraints instantly snapped open.

"Make her stop!" Davros begged, "please!"

The Doctor stared at Davros, expression sympathetic. "You _know_ how to stop her from crying."

"Fine!" Davros shrieked. "Have your crappy planet back!"

With one whack of a button, Davros and three million Daleks disappeared in a fizz of light. The Doctor and Rose turned to each other, exchanging a deserved high-five.


	18. That's Not My Name!

**A/N: **ZOMG EPISODE TWELVE TOMORROW!

And yes, I'm well aware of the reference to The Ting Tings...

* * *

**Title: **That's Not My Name!**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** So what _is _the Doctor's name? Rose, Martha, Donna and Jack ponder…**  
Pairings:** None.

"It's Bob. It has to be Bob!" Jack was saying.

"No, it's probably something like Jesus!" Martha chipped in.

"It's probably a reeeeeally long alien name we can't even pronounce," Rose pointed out, validly.

Donna sat up. "I bet it's a girl's name!"

"It's Francine!" Jack carried on. "You're right!"

The side door opened and suddenly the Doctor was there, grinning at them all.

"What you all doing in here? All companions in one place in the TARDIS is a little scary," the Time Lord said, dropping down on the sofa next to Rose.

"Doctor, is your name Francine?" Jack asked eagerly. The Doctor looked a little surprised.

"No…"

"Bob?" Jack tried again.

"No…"

"It's Jesus, isn't it!" Martha shrieked, excited. He stared at her as though she were insane.

"Nope…"

"Awww Doctor," Rose moaned, holding onto his arm like a small child. "Tell us? Pleeeease?"

"I can't tell you that!" The Doctor looked aghast. "It ruins the air of mystery!"

"Oh come on Doctor, it's not like the Universe is gonna explode or something." Jack was laughing.

"Yeah, that's just ridiculous!" Rose was laughing too. "So tell us?" She battered her eyelids adorably.

The Doctor sighed, defeated. "Fine, it's-"


	19. Karma Karma Chameleon

**A/N: **I should note that this is actually 150 words because it was too short for 200 and too long for 100 :-/ (slaps hand)

**Title: **Karma Karma Chameleon**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** The Doctor finally fixes the Chameleon Circuit and…**  
Pairings:** None.

* * *

"Wow, I can't believe you managed to fix the Chameleon Circuit!" Rose was saying as they exited the TARDIS, the usual 1960's blue wooden police box exterior replaced by a plain oak tree. The Doctor patted the bark affectionately before grinning stupidly at Rose, taking her out on another adventure.

* * *

"Gosh, that was an exciting day wasn't it?" the Doctor said as he and Rose skipped back to the TARDIS together, hand in hand.

Rose nodded in agreement. "We almost got exterminated by the Daleks four times!"

"And we snogged whilst both being possessed seven times!"

"And we were both knocked out at least once!"

"But it makes for good family viewing," the Doctor countered.

"Err, Doctor." Rose nudged him. "The TARDIS was an oak tree, right?"

"Yep."

They both stared at the two-mile radius of oak trees standing before them in a giant forest.

"So… which one's the TARDIS?"


	20. Is It A Whisk?

**A/N: **If you've never watched David Tennant's video diary on series 2 before then most likely you won't appreciate it as much as if you would've. There's a bit with Sophia Myles talking to David about a Dalek and she thinks the Dalek guns are whisks, and David says, "That's their gun! What, did you think they travel the Universe baking cakes?" so, err, this story was born. It was also written at 3am so there you go.

* * *

**Title: **Is It A Whisk?**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** The Daleks finally discover their true purpose…**  
Pairings:** None.

"BOW TO YOUR NEW DALEK EMPEROR!" the Dalek guarding the Doctor and Rose screeched.

Rose's heart skipped a beat as suddenly from out of the smoke, a Dalek much bigger, brighter and _redder _than any she had seen before emerged. All of the other Daleks fell silent, their eyestalks swinging down to the ground as though they didn't find themselves worthy enough to look at this Dalek. The red Dalek moved towards the Doctor and Rose, even the Doctor's eyes widening in fear and trepidation…

"…WOULD YOU LIKE A CHOCOLATE CAKE?" it asked.

The Doctor stared. "I'm sorry?"

"I BAKED ONE ESPECIALLY FOR YOU," the Dalek said, moving back to reveal a giant chocolate cake on a trolley behind it. "IT'S GLUTEN FREE."

The Doctor found himself very confused. "Aren't you gonna, like, exterminate us?"

"WHY?" the Dalek asked, genuinely confused. "WE HAVE WHISKS TO MAKE CAKES." It moved its gun around – which really _was _shaped like a whisk – to reinforce its point.

"Oh… well we'll have some cake. Rose?"

"Yes please." Their binds were released as they moved forward to eat cake.

"Mmm, delicious," the Doctor complemented.

"THANK YOU." It seemed happy. "ALSO, DO YOU NEED ANY PLUMBING DONE?"


	21. Bohemian Like Me

**A/N:** Two in one day! That's a revelation.

* * *

**Title: **Bohemian Like Me**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** It's Doomsday, Rose is about to get sucked into the Void…**  
Pairings:** TenRose.

_The Doctor and Rose held on tightly as Daleks and Cybermen careered past them, straight into the void._

_Suddenly the lever on Rose's side hissed sparks and started to lower – Rose moved forward, trying desperately to push it back to its original position._

_She succeeded, but the pull from the Void was stronger than ever now. She couldn't hold on. She had to let go…_

"Hey!" the Doctor interrupted over the television, one arm around Rose with the other arm around their sleeping two-year-old son. "That wasn't how it happened!"

"What a load of rubbish," Rose muttered, switching the channel.


	22. NO! Not The

**A/N: **Just been brushing up on my Time Lord history and this cropped up... Sorry :P

* * *

**Title: **NO! Not The…**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** What DIDN'T happen during dinner in The Christmas Invasion. The Doctor is about confront his worst fear…**  
Pairings:** None.

"Merry Christmas!" came the unified voices at the Tyler Household, the Doctor taking a spoonful of Christmas Pudding and shoving it in his gob. He bit down hard, straight onto a two-pence piece.

"AGH!" he yelled, "my teeth! My perfectly straight, white and shiny fresh, new, TEETH!"

"You're bleedin'!" Rose exclaimed. "Lemme see…"

"I'll call the dentist!" Jackie said, already moving to the telephone. The Doctor's eyes widened.

"NO!! NOT THE DENTIST!!" he yelled.

"You're going whether you like it or not, Doctor!" Jackie insisted.

"I WON'T GO!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO!!"

The Doctor was dragged kicking and screaming.


	23. End Of The Earth, Butterfingers

**A/N: **This originally started out as one of those Ten Song fics but then I got really into a couple I'd written and... well... here's two for you to mull over.

* * *

**Title: **End Of The Earth, Butterfingers**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** Some days you don't want to save the Earth, you just want to bury your nose in a damn good book…**  
Pairings:** None.

The Doctor was sat in the TARDIS library, reading an enthralling book. Suddenly an alert cut through his concentration and he got onto his feet, running to the console room. The Daleks were trying to take over Earth.

Several near-death experiences, a dangerous plan involving a banana and a few dimension jumps later the Doctor finally got back to the TARDIS, sighing before taking up his book once more.

Mere seconds later, the console exploded in a rush of alerts. The Cybermen were trying to take over the Earth.

"Oh for Rassilon's sake!" the Doctor murmured, grabbing his coat and running out the door.

Several near-death experiences, a dangerous plan involving a kiwi and a few dimension jumps later the Doctor finally got back to the TARDIS, taking up his book again.

Suddenly the console exploded again in alerts, and the Doctor sighed, taking a look. The Sycorax were trying to take over Earth.

"Not today thank you," the Doctor said, tapping a button on the console to make all fall silent.

A few hours later, the Doctor finished his book. He sighed happily, putting it down next to him and checking the monitor.

Earth was destroyed.

"Whoops," he muttered.


	24. When In Doubt, Dance!

**Title: **When In Doubt, Dance!  
**Rating: **K  
**Summary:** The Doctor's getting a bit depressed about his lifestyle…**  
Pairings: **None.

"Rose?" the Doctor's voice came drifting to her from across the console room, and she turned to see him sitting on the Captain's Chair staring at the floor.

"Hmm?" she moved over to sit beside him.

"Do you… do you remember what that last villain was saying? About me being a mass murderer?" he said timidly, fiddling with the hem of his jacket.

"Yeah?" Rose said, wondering slightly where this was going.

"Am… am I an evil person?" he continued, voice breaking.

"Oh Doctor," Rose sighed, moving over to him and taking his hands, staring into his eyes. "Sometimes, you just gotta let go of that stuff, y'know? You just gotta get up…" – she got onto two feet, pulling him up with her – "…turn on the stereo…" – she flicked a switch on the TARDIS, and instantly disco music started to play – "…and daaaaaaaance!"

"Wow Rose, you're so right!" the Doctor chimed, "I feel as though all my problems of self negativity and doubt have been suddenly and instantaneously lifted even though they still remain inside dormant for when I'm left alone to think about it!" He beamed as he did the Cha Cha slide.

Then they boogied all night long.


	25. Young At Heart

**A/N: **Word count is all over the place now... :P

For this blame The Faraway Tree collection, Scrubs and Ramble teh Fourth.

For the sake of confusion, the _story_ in the story is in italics.

* * *

**Title: **Young At Heart**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** The Doctor reads a bedtime story to his five-year-old daughter, but…**  
Pairings: **TenWhoeveryoulike

"… _Saucepan had tried to take sweets out of the sweet shop, and had been locked up in jail!"_ the Doctor exclaimed, and Grace gasped. _"'Oh but we must rescue him!' cried Jo at once. 'Where is he?' But the policeman would not tell them."_

"Save Saucepan!" Grace demanded of the book. The Doctor smiled and continued.

"'_Well we must just go and look for him ourselves, that's all,' said Jo, and off they wandered together, shouting for Saucepan as they went.'" _The Doctor snapped the book closed. "And that's where we end for tonight!"

"But daddy!" Grace yelled, "do they find Saucepan or not?"

"You'll find out tomorrow, won't you?"

"But…"

"No buts!" He leant forward and kissed her on the forehead. "Now go to sleep."

Sighing, Grace slid underneath the covers and closed her eyes. The Doctor tucked her in before getting onto his feet, moving towards the door.

He was surprised to find Jack in his pyjamas on the other side. Jack jumped forward towards him as he shut the door.

"What happens Doc?! What happens?! Do they find Saucepan?! Tell me!"

"Guess you'll find out tomorrow too, won't you?" he said in the same tone he'd used with Grace. Jack's face fell.

"But… but…"

"No buts! Go to bed Jack," the Doctor said, folding his arms. Like a scolded puppy, Jack turned, defeated as he mooched back to his bedroom.

* * *


	26. Last Words, Take Two

**A/N: **Hands up who's watching the Doctor Who weekend on Sci-Fi? Me! Me! Pick me! ...I'm such a geek.

A few people moaned about the previous Last Words, so this time I'm gonna correct it for you :D

* * *

**Title: **Last Words, Take Two**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** The Doctor got it a little wrong previously on Last Words, so let's try that again…**  
Pairings: **Maybe you should read it first…

Rose Tyler was heartbroken, standing on the Bad Wolf Bay. She knew she must've looked like a wreck to the Doctor standing before her, but she had to tell him before it was too late.

"…I love you," she managed to gasp, mascara everywhere over her face.

The Doctor paused for a moment, sorrow for his loss building up tears behind his eyes. "And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it…" He forced the words out, "Rose Tyler, I lo… I love… I love…"

Was he going to say it? After all this time?

"Yeah?" Rose sniffed.

He finally got a grip on himself. "…I love your mother." His eyes suddenly widened as he realised what he'd just said. "Wait… no! I didn't mean that I swear I- AGGH!"

And as it transpired, even holograms could feel the Tyler Slap.


	27. By Any Other Name

**A/N: **Word count's gone hectic again...

* * *

**Title: **By Any Other Name**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** The Doctor's really missing Rose so Jack tries to cheer him up.**  
Pairings: **TenRose. Well, sort of.

"I lost her, Jack, I lost her."

Jack sighed at the Time Lord sat on the sofa with his chin on his hands, staring at the blank television ahead lost in thought.

"Doc…" he began, but the Doctor was already shaking his head.

"She's gone, Jack. Forever. I'll never get her back."

"Hey, I know what'll cheer you up!" Jack forced a smile and moved over to the Doctor setting a cup of tea down on the coffee table infront of him. "Cup of tea!"

The Doctor looked like he'd just been slapped in the face.

"That… That was Rose's mug…" he stammered out, feeling the tears welling.

Jack immediately grabbed the mug and drew it out of the Doctor's field of vision, succeeding in scalding his hand with hot water. He winced, setting the mug down on another table.

"Okay, let's just take your mind off of it, how about some radio?"

"_Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey…"_

Jack cussed again as the Doctor finally burst into tears. He panicked; spotting a clean handkerchief seemingly abandoned on the table so he grabbed it and gave it to the Doctor.

"THAT WAS ROSE'S!" he wailed. Jack was at a complete loss now. How the _hell _was he supposed to comfort a crying alien?!

"Umm, Doctor? Jack?" someone suddenly asked from the doorway and both men span around to see Rose standing in the doorway. The Doctor bounded onto his feet and ran to her, hugging her tight with a huge smile on his face.

"YOU'RE BACK!" he yelled in delight. "I MISSED YOU!"

"Bloody hell," Rose muttered, "I only went grocery shopping!"


	28. I Need An Adult!

**A/N: **Disclaimer: I have to admit, although it's very _me_ this drabble was based on a comic sketch drawn by JesIdres on Deviant Art. If you haven't seen any of her stuff then SEARCH JESIDRES ON GOOGLE AND LOOK, DAMMIT! Due to the annoying parameters I can't link you directly to the sektch but it's called Whooligans: New Body.

A few chibis might be making their way into a drabble soon...

* * *

**Title: **I Need An Adult!**  
Rating: **K+**  
Summary:** "What else has he got two of?" Jackie Tyler wonders.**  
Pairings: **You can thank the Lord there aren't any.

It was New Year's Eve on planet Earth post his regeneration and the Doctor finally felt as though things were going back to how they were before.

Sprawled on the sofa of the Tyler flat stuffed with mince pies, the Doctor was having a crack at the newspaper Sudoku and, as per usual, was failing miserably. Rose and Jackie were cleaning up the remains of dinner and chatting away about him merrily as though they believed the wall was soundproof between the two rooms.

"I still can't believe he's the Doctor…" Jackie was saying, "all that hair, it came from nowhere, and he's so _thin _and _underfed!_ Is that natural in this regimentation thingummy?" She didn't wait for an answer. "And two hearts…"

Rose interrupted this time. "Mum, I told you…"

"Y'know sweetheart, you never did tell me how you knew that he doesn't 'ave two of anythin' else…"

The Doctor straightened suddenly, eyes wide with terror.

"Mum!!" Rose exclaimed, shocked.

"Y'know," Jackie continued, "I think I ought to check… He's not a bad lookin' bloke this time around…"

The kitchen door swung open. The Doctor span around with wide, terrified eyes as he found Jackie leaning forwards, smiling at him sweetly…

"Oh, Doctor…" she began.

"I NEED AN ADULT!" the Doctor shrieked, jumping onto his feet and tearing over to Rose, dropping to his knees and hugging her tightly around her legs. "Mummy!" he screamed, "the bad woman wants to touch me in bad ways!"

Rose stared at him. "Doctor…"

"What the bloody hell? I was just gonna offer him a cup of tea," Jackie said, hands on hips. "What a nutter."


	29. Inside The Doctor's Mind

**A/N: **This one is a bit random XD Wait, wtf am I ON about? They're all random!

It's been mentioned a few times in the recent series - Donna in Journey's End, CAL in Library anf Forest... basically about what goes on inside the Doctor's head. So let's try and interpret that into words... :D

* * *

**Title: **Inside The Doctor's Mind**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** So, what exactly goes on inside the Doctor's head in the space of one second?**  
Pairings: **None.

"Hello, Doctor," Rose said.

_ Hello! That rhymes with mellow! Yellow Mellow! They call me mellow yellow! Mellow Yellow by Donovan released 1966 reached number two in US charts and number eight in UK. Yellow-mellow-wello-dello-yello YELLO IS LIKE HELLO WITH A Y! Y-why-why-why-Y-my-sty… sty pig, pig fat, the fat cat killed a rat with a bat… BATTER! I'm hungry, cheese? Cheese from cows! And goats! Goats have horns. Reindeer horns, all Santa's reindeer are GIRLS! Where's Santa? MOOSE! What was I doing? Rose!_ _Rosey proses, sonnet 130 by William Shakespeare iambic pentameter with a little umbrella, please – BANANA DAQUIRI like a banananananana-nah! Nah! Bah! Kah! Lah! Ho sho no bo ho cro sho ro! Rhino, horn, back to horn! Reindeer, Santa, Christmas, regenerate! Rose?! Rewind, rewind!_

"Hello, Rose," the Doctor answered instantly.


	30. NO!

**A/N:** Too early for jokes? :P

For those people who don't know, skip over this and read something else. If you're worried whether you know it or not then be assured, if you did know it you would know that you knew it and knowing it means that you already know it and knew it before I mentioned it so WHY ARE YOU READING THIS SENTENCE?! (Is proud of the complex use of 'know' in that sentence)

Sorry but I think it's important to have a joke or two in these **dark,** **dark **times. Maybe the onslaught of grieving fangirls (I will personally make a protest by sitting in the middle of the Stratford stage CRYING and SCREAMING, "I LOVE YOU DAVID!") will make him change his mind, then we can all look back and LAUGH AT THIS MOMENT!

---

**Title: **NO!**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** Donna has just seen something terrible on television!**  
Pairings: **None.

"Doctor!" came Donna's frantic voice from another room and the Doctor hauled himself out of the hole-in-the-floor to meet Donna charging towards him across the Console Room, tears pouring down her face.

"What is it?" he asked anxiously.

"Doctor!" she blubbered again. "I was just watchin' the National Television Awards, and… and… there was a TV version of us and… and… your actor said he was QUTTIN'! Are you gonna die?"

The Doctor laughed. "Ah, don't be stupid! I don't plan on dying anytime soon. I love this body. I can safely say that I will never ever ever never ever-" He was suddenly cut off in mid-sentence as his hand snapped to his chest where his hearts resided in a fully fledged heart attack, and then he collapsed motionless onto the TARDIS floor grating.

Donna sighed. "Aw bloody hell Doctor."

Suddenly the Doctor exploded with bright golden light from all of his limbs and before Donna his face was starting to change… change into a completely different person…

She recognised that face.

"Oh my GOD!" she screamed, hand over mouth as the golden light disappeared and the Doctor raised his new head groggily. "You're bloody James Nesbitt off Cold Feet! Can I have your autograph?"

---

**A/N: **Note - may not necessarily be James Nesbitt! More likely David Morrisey at the moment. Just I like James Nesbitt more than I like David Morrisey. So there. (sticks out tongue)

Strangely, I'm taking the news rather well. Everyone else around me seems to have broken down and suddenly I'm the level-headed one! What a bastard though, that David Tennant. Yesterday we all adored him and today he's the bastard of Bastardville!

I'm wondering when this'll all hit me O.o Cry dammit! CRY!


	31. Last Words, Take Three

**A/N: **So, will the Doctor FINALLY get to say it?

---

**Title: **Last Words, Take Three**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** The Doctor's gonna try one last time!**  
Pairings: **TenRose all round!

Rose Tyler was heartbroken, standing on the Bad Wolf Bay. She knew she must've looked like a wreck to the Doctor standing before her, but she had to tell him before it was too late.

"…I love you," she managed to gasp, mascara everywhere over her face.

The Doctor paused for a moment, sorrow for his loss building up tears behind his eyes. "And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it…" He forced the words out, "Rose Tyler, I lo… I love… I love…"

Was he going to say it? After all this time?

"Yeah?" Rose sniffed.

He finally got a grip on himself. "…I love you."

Rose stared at him, heart breaking. It felt like hours before she managed to speak next. "Please, come through to this world."

He laughed, but the pain was evident in his face. "I only wish…"

"DOCTOR!" Rose suddenly stamped her feet; hands on hips with fire burning in her eyes – very much like her mother. "YOU WILL COME THROUGH TO MY UNIVERSE _THIS INSTANT!"_

"Okay, okay!" he squeaked, hologram turning to hammer some invisible buttons. Seconds later his hologram disappeared.

"DOCTOR!" Rose yelled, "DOCTOR!!!!"

Then the TARDIS faded into existence on the beach, and Rose was smiling. The door opened and out stepped the Doctor, who found himself engulfed in hugs and kisses.

"C'mon!" Rose said after a moment of smooching erotically, taking his hand and leading him back inside the TARDIS. "We need to make Time Lord babies to rebuild your race!"

---

**A/N: **Oh come on, that was how we ALL wanted it to end!


	32. Trick or Treat?

**A/N: **Bit late for Halloween, but s'all good!

I've been seriously blocked recently so I'm writing anything that jumps to my head in the hopes the block goes away. It's all that David Tennant's fault.

* * *

**Title: **Trick Or Treat?**  
Rating: **K+**  
Summary:** It's Halloween, and the Doctor and his companion are out trick or treating!**  
Pairings: **None.

Jane Harcombe's doorbell rang.

She sighed, tearing her eyes away from the awful horror movie on television and pushing herself wearily to her feet, walking towards the front door. She pulled it open, eyes resting on the Grim Reaper and Frankenstein's monster.

"Trick or treat!" they both yelled, the Grim Reaper bouncing around excitedly.

Jane reached for the sweet bowl placed on the floor by the door, holding it up to the two apparently full-grown adults in costume.

"Knock yourself out," she said.

The Grim Reaper thrust his right hand into the bowl of Quality Street eagerly, searching out the green triangle chocolate pieces. Jane sighed impatiently, staring at the wall as he searched. Seconds ticked by.

"Oh," the Grim Reaper suddenly muttered, sounding a little shocked. Jane looked back, and froze.

The Grim Reaper had taken his arm out of the sweet bowl… but his hand was still in there.

His hand was detached from his arm.

Oh. My. God.

He was holding up his arm, gazing at the bloodless stump at his wrist. No… it had to be a trick… it was a fake hand, fake stump…

But as she stared at the stump she already knew this was not fake.

"Aw bloody hell Doctor, not again!" Frankenstein's monster moaned.

"Slight weakness in the dorsal tubercle," the Grim Reaper said, smiling apologetically at Jane. "Had it sliced off by a sword, you know. Falls off now and again." He picked up the hand in the bowl with his still-attached left handed, pressing it against his wrist stump. He let go again, flexing his newly reattached fingers.

Jane fainted.

* * *

**A/N: **...Heh.


	33. Mating In Public

**A/N: **The TenRose bunnies were nibbling... a lot...

* * *

**Title: **Mating In Public  
**Rating: **K  
**Summary:** Smooch!  
**Pairings: **TenRose.

"But… that'll kill you," Rose whispered in realisation, staring at the Doctor stood in front of her.

"It might not," the Doctor countered gently, "if I can configure the bomb correctly I may be able to clear it in time."

Rose blinked back the oncoming tears. "I love you."

"I love you too."

She took his arm and pulled him towards her, pressing his soft, moist lips to her own. After a moment they parted, and the Doctor gave her a smile.

"I'll see you again, eh?"

Rose was staring at him, eyes wide. "God you're so hot…" She grabbed his face in both hands and yanked him around to face her, pressing her lips against his again before the Doctor pulled away.

"Rose, I should really get going…"

She pulled him back again to make out. _Smooch!_

"Rose I have to go…"

_ Smooch!_

"Rose the Daleks are gonna…"

_Smooch!_

"…Take over the Universe and…"

_Smooch!_

"…I have to stop them before…"

_Smooch!_

"…They kill millions of…"

_ Smooch!_

"…Innocent people and…" Her hand strayed.

_ Smooch!_

"…Ooo…" he moaned.

_Smooch!_

"…Ahhh…"

_ Smooch!_

"IT IS THE DOCTOR!" a metal voice suddenly screamed.

_Smooch!_

"Rose! They've found us!"

_ Smooch!_

"HE IS MATING!"

_Smooch!_

"I'm not mating!"

_ Smooch!_

"IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE CUTE!"

_ Smooch!_

"WE CANNOT INVADE THIS PLANET! THIS IS TOO CUTE!"

_ Smooch!_

"GOOD BYE DOCTOR!"

_Smooch!_

"Bye…"

Finally Rose pulled away, looking a little dazed.

"Rose!" the Doctor exclaimed, "that was brilliant!"

Rose blinked. "What was?"


	34. Turn Left?

**Title: **Turn Left?**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** "Since when do _I, _the _Last of the Time Lords_, the most intelligent race ever in the entirety of time and space need a _Sat Nav?!"_**  
Pairings: **None.

_Turn left at the next asteroid belt. _The woman's smooth voice echoed through the interior.

"Mechanics!" the Doctor exclaimed angrily, dancing around the console flicking switches with the brand new silver box mounted on the surface humming away happily. "Complementary Sat Nav?! Since when do _I, _the _Last of the Time Lords_, the most intelligent race ever in the entirety of time and space need a _Sat Nav?!"_

Rose was suppressing the urge to giggle at the Time Lord.

_ Carry straight on past the Urgahla system._

"I don't _want _to carry straight on past the Urgahla system!" the Doctor yelled, slamming his hands down on the controls. "I want to TURN RIGHT!"

_Wrong way. Wrong way. Wrong way._

"I am GOING THE RIGHT WAY!!!"

_ Wrong way. Wrong way. Wrong way._

"SHUT UP!"

_ Wrong way. Wrong way. Wrong way._

"BE QUIET YOU STUPID PIECE OF JUNK!!!"

Rose watched as the Doctor grabbed one of his hammers and began to repeatedly smash the Sat Nav.

_Wrong way. Wrong ...way… Turn left… right… left… back… reverse… ast… wrong… BANG!_

The Doctor panted heavily as the Sat Nav finally lay mute and in pieces all over the console.

Rose sighed, folding her arms and rolling her eyes.

"Men!"


	35. Baba

**A/N: **I want Sims 2 back... it got wiped... Sims 3 soon! :D

* * *

**Title: **Baba**  
Rating: **T**  
Summary:** In which the Doctor discovers baba.**  
Pairings: **Sort of TenRose.

"Rose."

Rose had heard that tone of voice before, but only from her mother when she'd done something unforgivable like treaded mud through the flat. Slowly she turned towards the Doctor, assuming an innocent pout.

His face was sincere. "You've got a lot of explaining to do."

"Umm, what?" she asked, fearing the worst. Had he discovered the stash of chocolate under her bed? The fact that she sometimes used his razors to shave her legs then put them back for him to use?

"How _could _you, Rose?" he demanded. "How _could _you _do _this?!"

"What?" Oh my God. Had he found the strawberry-flavoured…

"This!" he raised his hands and pointed to the monitor behind her, on which was the Sims. Rose should've felt relieved, but instead she tensed, reaching out to switch off the monitor… "What is this about?!"

Rose turned her head to stare at the Sims she'd created – her and Doctor, married, with a baby boy in Rose's arms. Her face was starting to heat up… He was mad, mad at her for creating a Sim world where they had had a child…

"How COULD YOU Rose?!" he was yelling, "What POSSESSED YOU?!"

"I'm sorry!" she choked. "I don't really… It wasn't…"

"You called him _ROY?!"_

Rose stared at him stunned.

"No son of mine is called ROY! Never in thirteen lives! You'd better make another one and call them a SANE name! C'mon! Make us try for a baby on there! Get another kid! When I come back, I wanna see a group of children with brilliant names! You got that? Sex spam it, Rose!"

Rose could only numbly obey as he turned and walked away.


	36. Banana In Your Pocket?

**A/N: **I'm a teenage girl. I just watched David. Be warned!

* * *

**Title: **Banana In Your Pocket?**  
Rating: **T**  
Summary:** It's the hormones.**  
Pairings: **TenRose? Who knows…

Rose smiled, tongue between teeth as she saw the Doctor sitting back against the console with his arms folded, head in the clouds. She ran forward and wrapped her arms around him tightly.

"Sneak hug!" she exclaimed. "Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just really pleased to see me?"

The Doctor grinned in return, reaching down towards his trousers and drawing out something long, thin and pale…

"It's a banana!" he said, waving the half peeled banana around in delight.

Rose frowned. "But if you just took out that banana, what's pressing into me…?"

The Doctor looked like he'd just been caught with his hands in the cookie jar. "Yeah," he admitted, staring at the floor. "That would be my penis."


	37. Perfect Day

**A/N: **There are a considerable number of different Doctor Who script techniques used in this short story. Can YOU spot them all? :o

* * *

**Title: **Perfect Day**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** A typical day for Doctor and Donna.**  
Pairings: **None.

"Well that was a bit of a bumpy landing!" the Doctor proclaimed as he and Donna stepped out of the TARDIS and into a busy London high street.

"Doctor!" Donna suddenly yelled, pointing behind his shoulder. He turned to see a giant adipose at least double the height of the buildings around them walking up the high street with its arms outstretched, a huge smile on its face. People screamed and ran from around the huge feet.

"It's an adult adipose!" the Doctor gasped, looking shocked. "But that's impossible!"

"HUUUUUUUUUG!" the adipose boomed, people and objects falling beneath its feet.

"Doctor!" Donna yelled, grabbing his arm. "Stop standing there looking hot and _RUN!"_

"No Donna!" the Doctor yelled as the adipose got closer. "I have to give it a chance!"

"You bloody prune!"

The Doctor wrenched his arm out of Donna's grip and ran back. Donna covered her eyes.

"I'm the Doctor!" the Doctor yelled up at it, and it stopped in its tracks, big eyes swivelling and looking down at the small person standing in front of it. "Whatever you want, I can help you! Just leave the Earth and its people alone!"

"HUUUUUUUUUG!" the adipose boomed, stretching out its arms to the Doctor. The Doctor spread a grin and turned back to Donna.

"See? He just wants a hug!" He reached up his arms towards the adult adipose, inviting it into a hug. "I'll hug you!"

"HUUUUUUUUUG!" the adipose boomed again, leaning down to the Doctor…

Then it exploded.

The Doctor was flung backwards onto the concrete, covered head to toe in fat. Donna ran forward in a panic, dropping to her knees beside him. He was convulsing in pain. "Doctor! What is it?! How can I help?!"

"The adiposian fat has welded itself to the interior of my stratum basale!" the Doctor gasped, "I need to transfer the adiposian fat to my stratum corneum to allow vasoconstriction to liquidise it into sweat for evaporation!"

"The what of the what?" Donna asked. The Doctor stared at her as though she'd just dribbled on her shirt.

"If it does, then… then… I'll turn into an adipose!"

"What can I do?!" Donna yelled.

"KISS ME!" the Doctor cried, and Donna grabbed his lapels and placed a whopper on his lips. After a moment they broke apart and the Doctor expelled a cream-coloured smoky substance from his mouth, before jumping to his feet within an instant.

Donna straightened up to full height, staring at the Doctor. "That meant nothin', Doctor."

The Doctor sighed heavily, shoulders sagging. "Rose…" he murmured, before taking Donna's hand. "Allons-y!" he said, and the two of them walked back inside the TARDIS, ready to get back to the Universe.


	38. WARNING!

**Title: **WARNING!**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** Exactly what it says on the package.**  
Pairings: **None.

The Doctor was standing on top of the world.

He grinned as he closed his eyes to the mortal world, his hands on his hips, never feeling more alive than now. The world was his playground – he could do anything, go anywhere, be anyone he wanted…

He took in a deep lungful of air, arms rising from his sides and into the air as he slowly built up momentum, cape rustling as he launched up, up, up, towards the sky…

_Thud!_

"OW!" the Doctor yelled as he hit the TARDIS floor with smack, eyes snapping open to find Rose standing tall above him.

"Doctor…" Rose began, holding up the plastic bag his brand new superman costume had arrived in. "Read the packaging…"

**WARNING: This costume does not enable you to fly**

The Doctor stared at her for a moment, sticking his thumb in his mouth before finally bursting into tears.


	39. Hide and Sheep

**A/N: **Prompt: the Doctor, TARDIS and sheep... Hey, it's KINDA clean!

* * *

**Title: **Hide and Sheep**  
Rating: **K+ for possible implication :D**  
Summary:** The problems with Time Lord science...**  
Pairings: **None.

The TARDIS landed.

The Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS and instantly paused to look at the view. There were fields of green for miles around, the summer sunlight bouncing off of the bright green leaves of surrounding trees. Several sheep looked up at him, chewing their grass thoughtfully before they looked back down at the ground, uninterested. Nothing like a nice hike across the English countryside in Summertime. He shut the TARDIS door carefully behind him, giving her an affection pat.

"Don't go anywhere!" he joked, shoving his hands into his pockets and strolling off down the hill.

* * *

"Well, that was a refreshing walk!" the Doctor proclaimed to no one in particular as he returned in the direction of the TARDIS, eyes to the ground. He turned the corner and looked up to where he expected the TARDIS to be...

It was gone.

"What? What?! What?!" the Doctor yelped, eyes wide in panic as he bound up to the spot his TARDIS should've been, but instead found a sheep in its place, staring at him. "Where'd she go?!"

The sheep continued to stare at him as suddenly the Doctor had a thought... Could it be? Could the Chameleon circuit have self-repaired and the TARDIS become a sheep?

He walked around the sheep, surveying it from all sides. He supposed it was possible...

He came to a stop at the sheep's rear. There was really only one way to get back inside. Sighing heavily, he knelt down and leant forward.

* * *

**A/N:** Whether that's actually the _real_ TARDIS is TOTALLY your decision...


	40. Hunter Hunted

**A/N: **"Given: The Doctor, the Tardis, your choice of companion (if you want to include one)

Include: dragon, rat trap, basket ball

Time frame: your choice

Words: 100-300"

Okay, so I managed to get three out of four. Not bad!

* * *

**Title: **Hunter Hunted**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary: **That big picture Doctor, you keep on missing it.**  
Pairings: **None.

Rose whistled chirpily as she strode down the TARDIS corridor. In her arms she carried a basketball – no idea where it was from – she'd found it cluttering up her backpack and was on her way to the console room to ask the Doctor if he had a gym she could put it in, when she almost tripped over.

She managed to catch herself in her stumble, yelping in surprise as she looked down to find the Doctor lying face down on the floor in the corridor. For a moment she was alarmed, thinking he might have collapsed, when he suddenly raised a single finger in the air to silence her.

"Shush," he whispered, before putting his arm back down into the floor, chin resting on his folded arms.

Rose raised an eyebrow, still holding the basketball in both arms as she dropped to her haunches, peering in the direction he was, utterly bemused. There was a rattrap on the floor, and the Doctor was staring at it.

Silent seconds passed, before Rose could take the curiosity no longer. "What _are _you doin'?

"Rat," he muttered, staring at the rattrap. "On the TARDIS. Eek, eek, fh-fh-fh, eeeek!"

Rose stared at him as he continued to make rodent noises, wondering for a moment where she could find a strait jacket, and quickly. After a moment's thought she sighed, shaking her head in disbelief as she got to her feet. She turned back the way she'd come and began to walk, suddenly stopping when she heard a cracking sound from her arms. She looked down to find the apparent basketball she'd been holding was infact not a basketball at all – but an _egg!_

"Doctor!" she yelped.

"Shush!" he barked, completely oblivious. "Eeek! Eeeeek!" The egg continued to crack more and more in her arms until suddenly wings burst through and the shell fell away to reveal she was holding, what looked like, a baby dragon. It looked up at her and sneezed, smoke billowing out of its nose.

"Oh. My. God," she said slowly, unable to believe it. "Doctor… You really wanna see this…"

"Rose! Be quiet!" the Doctor snapped. "Fh-fh-fh! Eeeeeek!"

She looked back at the dragon, it taking a moment before she realised it was growing – and fast. It got bigger and heavier, so much that she had to set it down on the floor as it grew and grew, bigger and bigger, faster and faster… The TARDIS corridor was growing in size rapidly to accommodate the sheer size of it – 10 metres… twenty… forty!

It finally stopped growing, so much that its head was a mere speck in the distance. She looked sideward towards the Doctor, utterly bewildered as she found him still lying with his chin on his arms, staring at the trap away from her.

"Errr, h-hello," she stammered to the dragon as she quaked in her boots, wondering if it could hear her, rather than the more sane of whether the TARDIS translated 'dragon' or not. "… I'm Rose… And… this is the Doctor…" She looked back at the Doctor again. "Doctor…" she urged. "Doctor!"

Suddenly the Doctor exploded with rage, jumping up onto his feet. "For GOD'S sake Rose! Can't you just leave me alone for _five _minutes?! All I get is, 'Doctor, Doctor, Doctor! Help me! Save me, Doctor!'," he shouted, disturbingly putting on a woman's voice to illustrate the point as he span around, rattrap in hand as his eyes locked with hers. "Sort out your own damn problems, woman! I'm _busy, _I'm…" He suddenly trailed off as his eyes wandered to the Eiffel Tower-sized Dragon standing in the middle of his TARDIS, his jaw almost hitting the floor.

The dragon rumbled a growl in its throat, baring its very large and pointy teeth.

The Doctor gulped. "… Gonna need a bigger rattrap…"


	41. The Tenth Doctor's Death

**A/N: **_My_ version...

* * *

**Title: **The Tenth Doctor's Death**  
Rating: **K+**  
Summary:** Because obviously he has to go in a tragic, eye watering way…**  
Pairings: **None.

The Doctor entered the fast food outlet, hopping from foot to foot. His eyes scanned the area for what he was looking for… a children's party in the corner, a few drunken teenagers in the centre, an attractive blonde lady on his right, and… Ah ha! He shoved his hands into his pockets and whistled casually to himself, slipping through the tables to the brown door of the men's toilets.

"He's in!" Davros yelled in delight, yanking his blonde wig off and throwing his arms in the air in delight. "DETONATE THE BOOOOMB!"

Inside the men's toilets, the Doctor was just pulling down his zipper in front of the urinal when he heard a loud ticking coming from across the room. Before he had time to process what it was…

BANG!

----------

The Doctor woke up.

He lifted his head, surprised to find his hair flopping down in front of his face. The clothes he wore were tight on him, so much he had to reach down and unbutton his jacket, which he quickly found was torn and smeared with dirt and blood. It was then he realised…

"I died!" a new voice came out of his mouth, filled with shock and horror. "IN A FRIGGIN' TOILET!"

From afar, Davros giggled evilly to himself.


	42. Companions Past

**A/N: **I am getting more and more filthy minded...

* * *

**Title: **Companions Past**  
Rating: **T**  
Summary:** The Doctor accidentally stumbles on his old companions' belongings… Warning, REALLY OOC DOCTOR!**  
Pairings: **None.

The Doctor was quite happily doing some spring-cleaning in the TARDIS when he first found the box. Being as curious as he was, he opened the lid, and got the shock of his life.

He reached inside and pulled out a black leather hat – he recognised it instantly as Susan's. Tears instantly sprung to his eyes as he recalled how he had left her on that planet… quietly slipping back into the TARDIS before Susan had realised he'd gone…

"Oh Susan!" the Doctor wailed, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I had to do it! You know I had to…"

He set the cap aside gently, this time drawing out a sparkling crown… "Oh Nyssa!" the Doctor wept, holding it close to his chest. "Dear, dear Nyssa, who knew your father was destined to have his body taken over by the Master… no one!"

He rummaged in the box and this time drew out a small, crushed badge, cradling it in his hands. "Oh, poor Adric!" he cried, "… well, there were three of you, one had to get killed off, and you were the only one without breasts…"

He searched again and this time drew out a tiny black tiara. "Oh, and speaking of breasts… Oh Peri!" he gasped, tears falling. "Such an intelligent, enquiring mind! Such a fantastic personality, caring and loving! Such magnificent _breasts!"_

He next drew out a mobile phone, and the tears refuelled. "Oh Rose… my poor Rose… I loved you so much… This mobile phone, the one that you gave to Mickey on the parallel Earth and then it mysteriously reappeared on the Sanctuary Base and has now once again reappeared in my box…"

He pulled out another object, this time a skin-coloured sausage-shaped object made of soft PVC emerging…

"JACK?!" he shrieked, staring in shock at the adult toy waggling in his hand. "WHAT THE _HELL_ HAVE YOU BEEN DOING IN MY TARDIS?!"


	43. C'mon Baby, Do The Locomotion

**A/N:** I'm sorry, I'm so sorry O.O

* * *

**Title: **C'mon Baby, Do The Locomotion**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** The Doctor's _sure_ he recognises Astrid…**  
Pairings: **None.

"Astrid, sir, Astrid Peth!" Astrid introduced herself, giving a small smile.

The Doctor stared at her for a moment. "Do I know you?"

Astrid looked confused, looking at the Doctor closely. "No, I don't think so. Perhaps you're mistaken, sir?"

The Doctor stepped closer, eyebrows lowering… "I'm sure I've seen you before… Hold on!" A winning smile spread on his face. "I know! You're MADONNA, aren't you?"

Astrid blinked, startled. She wondered if this man had recently escaped from a mental asylum. "I think you're confusing me with someone else, sir…"

The Doctor smacked his forehead, rolling his eyes. "Of COURSE! You're not Madonna! You're Kylie!"

Astrid rolled her eyes, throwing her silver platter over her shoulder and hitting Rickstan Slade in the head. "You got me!"

"Can we do the locomotion?" the Doctor asked.

"Sure!" She cued the band and they instantly started up in a rendition of 'Locomotion'.

_"Everybody's doing a brand new dance noooooow!" _Astrid sang.

_"C'mon baby, do the locomotion!" _the Doctor sang in a high-pitched voice whilst dancing the locomotion.

_ "I know you'll get to like it if you give it a chance now!"_

_ "C'mon baby, do the locomotion!" _everybody on the Titanic sang whilst dancing around the room in a locomotion, the Doctor leading the train.

_"My little baby sister can do it with ease…"_

"Information: _It's easier than learning your A B C's!" _a Host sang.

Astrid joined the locomotion, _"so come on, come on…"_

_ "Doooooo…" _everybody sang.

_ "… The locomotion with me!"_

_ ----------_

"And I swear, that's exactly how it happened!" the Doctor insisted down the phone to Martha.

_"Doctor," _Martha began, sounding patronising. _"I think it's time you took that little red pill now, don't you?"_

The Doctor sighed. "Yes ma'am."


	44. The Daleks Write A Fanfic

**Title: **The Daleks Write a Fanfic**  
Rating: **T**  
Summary:** Dalek Basher, Dalek Shipper, Dalek Slasher and Dalek Whumper attempt to write a fanfic about Doctor Who…**  
Pairings: **I'm not really _sure…_

"I'M SO BOOOOORED!" Dalek Basher announced to the other four Daleks in close vicinity.

"I KNOW, SO AM IIIII!" Dalek Shipper agreed.

"LET'S WRITE A FAAAAAAANFICTION ABOUT DOCTOR WHOOOOOOO!" Dalek Slasher suggested excitedly.

"OKAAAAY!" Dalek Whumper said, "LET'S HAVE THE DOCTOR BREAKING HIS LEEEG!"

"AND ROSE MUST NUUURSE HIM!" Dalek Shipper inputted quickly. "AND THEY END UP HAVING SEEEEX!"

"BUT THE DOCTOR AND JACK LOVE EACH OTHEEEER!" Dalek Slasher insisted, "THEY MUST HAVE A SCENE WHERE THEY PLEDGE THEIR LOOOOVE!"

"CAN SOMEONE SHOOT MARTHA, PLEASE?" Dalek Basher requested. "MAYBE SHE CAN TURN EEEEVIL AND THE DOCTOR LOCKS HER IN A DUUUUUUNGEON WHERE SHE IS IN ETERNAL PAAAAAAAIN!"

"I LIKE THIS, THIS SOUNDS GOOOOOOOD!" Dalek Whumper said.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOOOOOING?" another voice came from the doorway – the other Daleks turned to see Dalek Whiner moving towards them.

"WE ARE WRITING A FAAAANFICTION!" Dalek Basher informed Dalek Whiner.

"ABOUT THE TENTH DOCTOR? HE IS CRAAAAAP! The NEW SERIES IS CRAAAAAP!"

"BE QUIET AND GO AWAY, NOBODY LIKES YOOOOOU!" Dalek Whumper said, aiming its gun at Dalek Whiner.

"IF YOU DON'T LIKE IIIIIT THEN DON'T WATCH IIIIIT!" Dalek Slasher also aimed its gun.

"GET OVER YOURSEEEEEEELF!" Dalek Shipper said, "IT IS SAAAAD THAT YOU FEEL THE NEEEED TO GO ON HUUUMAN INTERNET FORUUUMS AND TYPE PAAAAGES OF BAD REVIIIEWS, YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO LIIIIFE! GO AND WAAAATCH SOMETHING EEEELSE!"

"EXTEEEEEERMINATE!" the four chorused, and Dalek Whiner whined no more.

"THAT'S BEEETTER!" Dalek Whumper said as they all turned back to what they were doing. "READ BAAACK WHAT WE'VE GOOOOT!"

"ONE DAAAY THE DOCTOR BROKE HIS LEEEEEEG! ROSE HAD TO COMFORT HIM AND HE WAS GRAAATEFUL SO THEY HAD SEEEEEEX! THEN JAAACK CAME ALONG AND JOOOOINED INNNN THE SEEEEEEX AS THE DOCTOR PLEDGED HIS LOOOOVE TO HIIIIIM! THEN MAAARTHA TRIED TO SHOOT THE DOOOOOCTOR AND HE STOPPED HEEER AND LOCKED HER IN A DUUUNGEON WHERE SHE LIVED IN ETERNAL PAAAIN! THE EEEND!" Dalek Slasher read.

"LET'S POST IIIT!" Dalek Shipper said, "WE SHALL USE THE ACCOUNT OF REDWARFADDIIIIICT!"

"OKAAAAY!" Dalek Basher said, and clicked the 'Add Chapter' button.

"IF WE DO NOT GET REVIIIIIEWS THE ENTIRETY OF FAAAANFICTION DOT NET WILL BE EXTEEERMINATED!" Dalek Whumper said.

"EXTEEEERMINATE!" they chorused.

* * *

**A/N: **:o!!! I think you'd better do what they say!!! Press the review button! Press it now!


	45. Knock, Knock

**A/N: **Spoilers for Planet Of The Dead. You have been warned. But seriously, if you haven't watched that yet what HAVE you been doing with your life?

* * *

**Title: **Knock, Knock**  
Rating: **K**  
Summary:** There's a knocking at the TARDIS door...**  
Pairings: **None.

_"He will knock four times…" _

The words had haunted the Doctor since the woman on board the bus had uttered them. There was really only one candidate in answer to that. The sound of drums. The beating inside the head of the little Gallifreyan boy herded in front of the Untempered Schism at only eight years of age…

But the Master was dead. The Doctor had burned the body himself. Surely not…?

Suddenly a metaphorical shadow cast itself over him, his entire body going numb. Someone was approaching the door of the TARDIS… The Doctor was frozen, fear gripping him tightly in its cold, steely fist…

_Knock… _

_ Knock… _

_ Knock…_

He waited. And waited. The fourth knock, where was it? Was it coming? Teasing him?

Another moment passed. No. It wasn't. Suddenly the Doctor jumped excitedly, beaming from ear-to-ear.

"It must be the pizza I ordered!" he said, bouncing over towards the door and flinging it opened.

"Haha, TRICKED YOU!" the Master yelled in delight.

"I've been fooled!" the Doctor said, astounded as the Master fired the gun.

* * *

**A/N: **Have one or two more :o


	46. Visitors In The Vortex

**A/N: **This was heavily inspired by **lil-mz**, a request that took me far too long to do! I apologise! And it's long. So I'm sorry for both those things!

Clear the last drabble from your minds, it has nothing to do with it :D

* * *

**Title: **Visitors In The Vortex**  
Rating: **K+**  
Summary:** "They were in the _vortex! No one _could knock on the door! It was impossible!"**  
Pairings: **Just one…

The TARDIS was happily bouncing through the vortex as the Doctor remained engrossed in his puzzle book in the console room. He mused for a moment with pen in hand, before suddenly smiling and bringing his pen down, drawing a single line.

"Ha! You are a dog!" the Doctor said in delight, admiring his work on the dot-to-dot puzzle.

_Knock, knock, knock!_

The Doctor frowned, believing he had somehow misheard.

_Knock, knock, knock!_

They were in the _vortex! No one _could knock on the door! It was impossible! He put down the pen and puzzle book and walked over to the door, flinging it open.

"Hello!" said a cheery voice of a round-faced middle-aged humanoid man, beaming away merrily. "We're looking for the Stardek Asteroid Belt, but we've got a bit lost…" He looked slightly embarrassed. "The wife," he whispered confidentially, rolling his eyes with a friendly smile before raising his voice again, "don't suppose you could help us?"

"Err…" the Doctor was lost for words. "It's right at the Freezen Nebula and straight on, co-ordinates 5444567, 6782589 from galactic centre."

"Thank you!" the man said, smiling. "That's where we went wrong! Sorry to disturb you."

The Doctor closed the door, staring at it in shock.

_ Knock, knock, knock!_

He opened the door again.

"Hello!" it was a young alien this time, clutching a briefcase. "I was passing by and couldn't help noticing the poor construction of your windows…" He indicated the windows of the TARDIS. The Doctor's gaze followed, slightly boggled-eyed. "And you being a male and wearing a brown suit, that instantly qualifies you for our exclusive half price offer on double-gazed windows courtesy of Trekken Enterprises!"

The Doctor stared. "Sorry, I'm not interested." And he closed the door again.

_ Knock, knock, knock!_

The Doctor bristled slightly, throwing the door open again.

"Hello!" a young woman humanoid greeted. "Are you lost?"

The Doctor stared at her. "I think I am, yes."

She smiled warmly. "Lost in life, and looking for faith and guidance from the Lord God? By joining the Jehovah's Witnesses you…"

"Not interested, sorry," the Doctor said quickly and slammed the door shut again.

_ Knock, knock, knock!_

A green-skinned man appeared. "Sorry to disturb you Sir, but I'm conducting a survey on the…"

"Yes it's fine!" the Doctor yelled, and slammed the door again.

_ Knock, knock, knock!_

"GET LOST!" the Doctor screamed as he pulled open the door, and slammed it shut again. Unfortunately the alien had wedged its foot in the threshold and screamed in agony as he did so. The Doctor pulled open the door again and stared at a small purple alien with a fetching red hat on.

"Please sign for this!" the alien whimpered, holding out a clipboard and a pen. In a rage the Doctor scribbled his signature across the paper and the alien gave a pained smile, handing over the package, cut off from anything else he might have said as the Doctor slammed the door shut again. The Doctor breathed heavily as he turned from the door…

_Knock, knock, knock!_

The Doctor threw open the door in a blind rage. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" he yelled, and threw the package he'd just received into the face of a young humanoid woman before slamming the door shut again.

_ Knock, knock, knock!_

"WHAT?!" the Doctor spat out, surprised to find the woman from before still standing there, holding her nose.

"Doctor! What's wrong with you?! It's me!"

He blinked. "Rose?!"

"I think my nose is broken…" Rose sobbed.

"I'm so sorry! There were these people and they kept knocking and… What the _fudge _are you doing here? Get inside!" he grabbed her hand and pulled her in, closing the door again as he quickly reached up to check her nose. "It's okay, it's not broken," he said with a smile. Rose suddenly reached up and slammed her lips onto his in a stonker of a kiss.

"Sex? Now?" Rose asked. The Doctor nodded instantly.

"Yes, yes, get into my bedroom!"

Rose left the console room. A huge smile spread onto the Doctor's face as he made to follow…

_ Knock, knock, knock!_

The Doctor opened the door. Three Daleks were sat there, pointing their guns at him.

"How did you knock?" the Doctor asked, confused.

"IT IS THE DOCTOOR! WE WILL TAKE OVER THE EEEARTH AND THE DOCTOR WILL BE EXTEEERMINATED! EXTERMIN…"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry but I don't have time for you right now!" the Doctor said with an apologetic smile, slamming the door shut again before running off to get laid.

* * *

**A/N: **I also apologise for the ending. It's my TenRose bunny nibbling... :P It hasn't been fed for a while!


	47. The Technique

**A/N: **Aaaaand another...

* * *

**Title: **The Technique  
**Rating: **T  
**Summary:** The Doctor's father has a few words to say on how his son's pleasing his woman.

**Pairings: **TenRose.

"Theta! What do you think you're doing?!"

The Doctor jumped in surprise in the middle of making love to Rose, spinning around to see a tall, broad-shoulder man with dark hair standing in the doorway, Gallifreyan robes cocooning his body.

"Father?!" the Doctor asked in disbelief. Rose gaped – partially for the fact that it was the Doctor's father, but mostly due to the fact they were both stark naked and in the middle of something _very _private.

"Son, I will ask you again!" the man stepped forward into the light to reveal the face of a 60-year-old man, with wise eyes and a stern expression. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Father," the Doctor gasped again, quickly pulling away from Rose. "I wasn't I swear I know it's against Gallifreyan Law to interbreed and I wasn't, I was just…"

"You're doing it all _wrong, _boy!" the man moved forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "Did I not teach you how to pleasure a woman right? Look here, let me show you…"

"Ulysses! Stop harassing the boy," a woman's voice suddenly came from the doorway as the Doctor grabbed the bed covers and pulled them up over his and Rose's naked bodies. The woman sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Really Theta, I've seen it all before, I _am_ your mother!" She turned to the man, hands on hips. "Why are you picking on our boy?"

"Just look, love, look at his technique!" the man gestured to the Doctor, still laying on top of Rose who was staring unblinkingly at them. "Theta why is your hand there?"

"Maybe she likes it there?" the woman suggested.

"A woman never likes it there!"

"How would you know? You never bothered asking me!"

"You never complained!"

"As the human saying goes, you can't teach an old dog new tricks!"

"This is my twelfth body, thank you very much Penelope! I am in my prime!"

"Oh stop embarrassing yourself, Ulysses!"

"I will not take this kind of attitude from you when our son is in the room, Penelope!" the man yelled, his face red with his fists clenched.

"Why don't we ask the girl what _she _thinks, hmm?" she turned to Rose, giving her a comforting smile. "Do _you _like his hand being there?"

"Yes it's nice," Rose said in a small voice beneath the very horrified and very creeped-out Doctor as his parents continued to talk about sex.

"You see, Ulysses? Times change! It has been centuries since we had sex."

"Hmm," Ulysses stopped to contemplate this. "I guess you're right, love. Good job Theta, carry on, boy!" He then paused again, looking at Penelope. "Centuries?" he repeated, musing. "Hmm, Theta," he turned to the Doctor, clapping his hands together excitedly. "How would you like a new brother or sister?"

* * *

**A/N: **Parental embarassment factor 6.2.


	48. I Need A Shock!

**Title: **I Need A Shock!**  
Rating: **K+**  
Summary:** There are several ways that scene in The Unicorn and the Wasp could've gone…**  
Pairings: **None.

"What is it?! What else?" Donna begged the Doctor as he desperately tried to mime for the ingredients he needed to do a detox. The Doctor groaned in pain as he put up his hands in his next mime.

"It's a song!" Donna yelled, "Mammy? I dunno, Camptown Races?"

"Camptown Races?!" the Doctor gasped in disbelief.

"Well all right then, Towering Inferno!"

"It's a shock! A shock! I need a shock!"

"All right then," Donna breathed, "big shock, coming up…"

She grabbed his shoulders in both hands and pulled him towards her, raising her right foot and smacking it hard into the Doctor's groin. The Doctor suddenly went rigid and hiccupped, and there was a momentary pause before he collapsed to the floor into a ball, cupping his damaged genitals.

"That a shock?" Donna enquired.

"Shocked enough now, thanks…" the Doctor squeaked.

"Detox!" Donna said in delight, beaming as he lay on the floor unmoving. "You should do it more often!"

The Doctor looked nothing short of horrified. "No, thanks…"


	49. Doctor Who: The Untold Epic Adventures

**Title: **Doctor Who: The Untold Epic Adventures**  
Rating: **K+**  
Summary:** And why you would want him as your boyfriend.**  
Pairings: **None.

"Doctor…" Rose whispered, staring at him across the console.

The Doctor jumped to attention. "What, what is it?"

"This is… your _moment_."

The Doctor's eyes widened. "It's happening? Now?"

Rose nodded, her lips tightened.

"Emergency happening?" the Doctor gasped.

"Emergency!"

The Doctor was off in a shot, dancing around the console programming for Earth. "Just… stay still!"

"QUICK!" Rose yelled.

"Two minutes!" the Doctor yelled, drawing a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and running over to the TARDIS doors.

"RUN!" Rose screamed.

The Doctor ran like the wind, out of the TARDIS and across the car park, barging through the doors and the people to get inside.

"S'cuse me!" he yelled, pushing and shoving. "Sorry! Fate of the world! S'cuse!!!"

He ran up to the counter of Superdrug and slammed the piece of paper he held down onto the wood before he spoke:

"Packet of tampons, painkillers and a big bar of chocolate, please."


	50. Thanks For Watching

**A/N: **A wise philosopher once said, "Sometimes, as a doctor, I wish my life was more like my favourite TV show..."

* * *

**Title: **Thanks For Watching  
**Rating: **K  
**Summary:** "Sometimes, as a doctor, I wish my life was more like my favourite TV show..."**  
Pairings: **None.

"How does it make you feel, Doctor?" Davros grated to the defeated Time Lord knelt on the ground in front of him, cradling Rose's near lifeless body. "Finally... beaten. The Earth is about to die, your companion not far behind. You've lost, Doctor."

Silent tears coursed down the Doctor's face, still holding Rose in both arms. He didn't reply.

"Well maybe you'd better feel surprised, because you've just been caught on..." Suddenly Davros flung back his control panel and jumped up onto two feet, arms high in the air. "The HIDDEN CAMERA SHOW!"

"What?"

"We've got cameras there, there, there..." Davros pointed as Rose jumped up out of his arms, punching the air, laughing. The Daleks laughed, pointing at the Doctor. "Everyone's in on it!"

"No waaay!" the Doctor yelled, staring in utter disbelief.

"Your face!" Rose yelled, laughing.

"WE TOOOOTALLY GOT YOOOOU!" A Dalek shrieked in delight from the side, laughing.

"You had me there!" the Doctor yelled, laughing.

"How you feeling, Doctor?" Davros gave him a microphone.

"Wow!" The Doctor laughed. "I thought you were actually gonna blow up the Earth, then! Rose! I thought you were dying! I wasn't expecting that at all! I can't believe it! I'm totally shocked!"

"That wraps up another show!" Davros turned to the camera as the Doctor and Rose laughed and hugged each other in the background. "Join us next week where we deceive Superman into thinking Lois Lane has had a gender reassignment operation! Thanks for watching!"

* * *

**A/N: **JD, I think it was :D**  
**

You should know that the standard vocab after reading these now is, "WTF."


	51. The Biggest Question

**Title: **The Biggest Question of All  
**Rating: **K+**  
Summary:** What doesn't the Doctor know?**  
Pairings: **None.

"Is there nothing you don't know?" Rose asked the Doctor as the TARDIS trundled through time and space, fresh from their newest and by far the most exciting unscreened adventure.

The Doctor frowned, pausing in his handling of the controls for a moment to think hard. "I don't know the lyrics to 'Mmmbop' by Hanson."

"Really?" Rose asked, sounding a little surprised. "But everyone knows that!"

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, flicking a switch on the console. Instantly the song 'Mmmbop' burst out through the speakers, placing Rose right on the spot. "Sing with it!" he encouraged, folding his arms and leaning back against the console, grinning.

"And the new map be gone!" Rose sang, dancing around. "And the new map not there! And the new map be gone! And the new map not theeeeeeeeeeeere! You say you lose your hair! Ooo! But you don't care! Mm gaaay, yeah!"

The Doctor stared at her, still dancing around. "I'm tempted to facepalm, but it wouldn't be in character."

* * *

**A/N: **Helloooo new computer :D

Anyone who can actually hear the lyrics of this song without reading them along with it is quite possibly a superhuman :o


	52. Shrunk In The Wash

**A/N: **I've been being promted, recently. Prompt was:

CHARACTER: Tenth Doctor and any OCs  
PROMPT: Washing Machine

* * *

**Title: **Shrunk In The Wash**  
Summary:** A slight accident with a washing machine...**  
Rating: **K**  
Pairings: **None

"So lemme get this straight," Jackie began, still trying to process it. "There was a bad guy and the Doctor 'ad this plan, but he got stuck in their washin' machine... And this is what 'appened?"

Rose nodded, the both of them staring at the one-foot-tall Doctor currently struggling to eat the banana that was just as tall as he was.

"Can you reverse it?" Rose asked.

Jackie paused for a moment, frowning. "You grab his legs, I'll take his arms..."

"Meep!" the chibi Doctor squeaked, dropping the banana and covering his tiny eyes with his tiny hands.


End file.
